Finding out about our bodies
| Saturday, July
01, 2006
Finding out about our bodies
Sexual exploration with a member or members of the same sex, whether
it be during teenage discovery years or in middle age, whether it
be a one-time thing or a marked preference, is a normal part of
human nature, human curiousity and human development. In my opinion...
but I am certainly not the first to state the obvious. But then
defending this subject is like a playing with a loaded gun in our
society today. Why? Because of the many fears instilled in us by
many generations of people just trying to live their lives "honestly"
and the "right" way, as prescribed by the church, mostly,
and the state. So what. We've rejected much of what the churches
imposed, and everyone loves to complain about our governments. So
what? After the sexual revolution of the nineteen-sixties, aren't
we finally free to just do what we want in our bedrooms? Not if
our the taboos caused by these fears are so deep-seated that they
keep us from expressing what we feel, sexually, towards ourselves
and others, and for many people this is the case.
Lots of people have stories about experimenting with peers in
boarding school, playing doctor in the basement, or masturbating
with a friend at a sleepover, but they tried to put aside the feelings
that these acts brought up when they grew up and started having
"normal" relationships. Some people do what they need
to do to break through the taboos and live with whatever they feel
most comfortable with. Others spend a lifetime denying their true
sexual orientation to maintain the status quo, often squashing a
vital part of themselves that rules their creative energies.
I don't need to go on forever about this... I've gone here because
the discussion was sparked by this male friend's sharing his fantasy/obsession
with me about taking another man's penis in his mouth. Before I
was able to respond to him in any way, I had to look and my own
gender issues and the kind of feelings being with someone of my
own sex brought up in me.
It is much more socially acceptable for women to be intimate friends,
and I think this unfair bias even extends to sexuality. When I questioned
this gender attraction in myself and talked about it with a female
friend a few years ago, she was willing to take the plunge with
me by physically exploring the issue together. We approached it
as a sacred ritual, enacted mostly in silent respect, and we undressed,
lay down together and touched and explored each other's bodies very
very gently. It was awkward in the beginning, as is sex at first
for everyone, but we gave ourselves some time to digest it in between
a few occasions to meet and "practise" and I think we
both got more adventurous and more comfortable with it.
I won't try to make this into an erotic recital because you can
find many well-written stories about this elsewhere. The point I
wanted to make is about self-love, self-knowledge, and giving oneself
permission not only to explore life's wonders and life's options,
but to explore them through relationships, since when limited to
our minds they remain forever virtual. Although we may control our
fantasies, fantasy cannot change concretely our perceptions and
reactions to what we fear.
The great discovery for me in allowing myself this "practise"
was contacting the feminine aspect of myself outside of myself.
Holding another woman in my arms was like holding myself in my arms...
I was very moved by the softness of her skin, playing in her long
hair, and just following the curves of the female body, so unlike
the male form. It was like meeting up with the mystery of my own
vulnerability in a three-dimensional mirror. It was a beautiful
experience, perhaps made possible only by the fact that we had no
expectations from the relationship. To her I am grateful, for she
allowed me to love myself in a way I never had before.
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