TUESDAY, AUGUST
15, 2006
A Mix of Love and Submission
I know I can be and have been quite revolted by the idea of being
submissive... of letting someone else have their way when it requires
me to give up my power. Apparently... often giving ourselves to
another, in any way, is an enormous gift and it feels wonderful.
The idea of having a man ejaculate on my face, especially because
of the soul-less imagery of this act I'd seen in pornography, at
first appeared to me like a slap in the face that I wasn't willing
to offer my face for. It just seemed too close to the kind of misuse
and abuse that too many women have been subjected to and we've all
been taught to fear. No matter how progressive and open our thinking
may be, we seem to carry these wounds in our very bones, and the
only way to release them is to experience the love that is there
when we face up to these fears in person!
Here's a male perspective offered about yesterday's comments and
image:
"Degrading or disgusting...or hot and stimulating...there is
more. We all know that deep erotic surrender is a mix of love and
submission, and many complex emotions, some called good some called
bad, all human. The compassion of receiving, of opening the space
to feel, is what I see here. A space of liberation."
Thanks for yesterday's comments, everyone. If you'd like to take
photos to send and be drawn and need technical help, I'd be glad
to share what I've learned or make suggestions to get you started.
Please continue to post what you feel if you'd like to. If you're
more comfortable writing to me directly (tendernesstowardssex@yahoo.ca)
rather than posting comments, I will be glad to incorporate excerpts
of what you share (or not)... but either way, may this blog space
be for all a space of liberation.
Comments:
Anonymous said...
Hi Victoria
I remember as a kid at school the horror and fascination surrounding
oral sex. Yuck! Gross! The first time I took my boyfriend's penis
in my mouth however (I was seventeen) was a kind of melting moment.
I've always loved doing it and even though I sometimes get the 'choke
fear' when I'm trying it with someone new the vulnerability and
intimacy on both sides always makes it an intense experience. Interestingly,
I have found that it has often been my partner who has had fears
of ejaculating in my mouth or on my face despite my willingness
to do it? I have always been touched by their love and concern for
me. Is there a more intimate sexual act I wonder? It's the same
when a man goes down on me, particularly the first time. For me
that is the most intimate and personal it gets! Much more so than
penetration.
This is my first time posting a comment. I've been reading your
site regularly for awhile now and always enjoy your daily musings.
The one comment that stays in my head most was from awhile back:
"Simple but not easy... sex without love is like fast food"...
that is so very true.
Louise
Victoria said...
Thanks, Louise
Reading your comment suddenly made me think of the "health"
textbooks I'd seen as a teenager about sexuality. I'm pretty sure
oral sex was tactfully avoided; it was perhaps considered deviant
behaviour, but my feeling was that if, in our youth, we were presented
with real people's stories like yours it would help get beyond the
yuck to discover the beauty so much faster!
Anonymous said...
Yes Victoria, we ALL need positive sexual experiences and to be
encouraged to experiment safely, particularly teens. I remember
offering to take a young man's penis into my mouth (he was a virgin
and 19 and I was 27! I felt like Mrs Robinson!) and I could feel
how terrified he was. I sucked and caressed for a long time and
he couldn't climax. Eventually I had to stop because my jaw was
getting sore and he seemed so disappointed with himself. I stroked
his hair and we kissed and he then looked at me and said: "You're
so tender". It was beautiful. Louise |
