Tuesday, June
20, 2006
Questioning Relationships
We like to question things; we want to know things; we judge so
much on based solely on appearances, yet how much can we really
possibly know about other people, about their relationships to each
other, unless they tell us exactly what is going on?
I like this drawing because it's me and Darren posing for pictures
for me to draw, and yeah, it was hard to do; we were used to being
alone while making love and it was a challenge to accept the presence
of the photographer at first. So we were shy and we laughed a lot
and joked about it, but we also managed, eventually, to let the
love flow and to touch each other both tenderly and passionately
and our friend photographing us was actually a comforting non-judgmental
presence to this process. I am grateful to have these beautiful
images to translate into drawings.
The experience also made me loosen some of the judgments I've
carried about pornography. I'll bet most of it is as bad as it seems,
but again, how can I really know and judge if I've never been there,
seen it, asked about, experienced it myself? My politically-correct
vision of things says to judge first, ask questions later, or don't
bother... just judge, like everyone else seems to be doing.
But while doing this photo session, which allowed me to face up
to a huge fear and discover how unfounded it was, it occurred to
me that porn models must go through the same things, and although
we don't necessarily see it, there must be some honest connections,
smiles, and giggles during the photo shoots, as well as tensions,
discomforts and embarassment. They are people, after all, and we
don't know what is really happening inside them unless we ask, and
they are willing to share honestly. Making a place for such an exchange
would certainly change radically the whole aura around this forbidden
industry.
My relationship with Darren has changed many times over the course
of the several years I have known him, and is presently changing
its shape into a form I cannot yet understand.
As is my relationship with myself, with my sexuality, with my
creativity. Accepting the mystery makes it easier to let life deliver
what it has to offer. Trying to control or shape things the way
I want inevitably leads to both inner and outer conflict.
Comments:
I love your honesty. Tell us more. Naked truth. It hurts and
inspires but we cannot ignore it for too long. In the blink of the
Universe’s eye, new worlds are born and new life begins. New
adventures and exciting beginnings. Lena Olin says she doesn't like
to look back because it gives her a stiff neck. We are moving forward,
pulled by grace and abundant energy. Energy fired by the spirit
is all there is. We learn and move on. Sex can give us a freedom
to forget time and fall into the pleasure zone gifted to us. We
are free in those moments when we live inside our own skin and let
go to the inspiration of creation and flow into one another............
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